Dearest Dumbass
by MufasasPride
Summary: Kageyama's disintegrating sanity is fully established; he likes Hinata, after all. But he hadn't expected to descend so far into madness that he'd take the advice of resident irrational idiots, Tanaka and Noya, and attempt to write a love letter to Hinata. Key word: attempt.


Kageyama is certain of three things:

1\. He hates Hinata.

This is no great revelation. Their mutual dislike and rivalry began back at their match in middle school, and their reunion in high school ignited the animosity further, because as teammates, they were forced to cooperate and be around each other all the damn time. Hinata was Kageyama's personal antichrist; loud and perky, constantly messing up and ruining everything. They clashed so intensely that every little thing initiated arguments and bickering and snarky comments. Kageyama had never met anyone before who he so easily and uncontrollably lashed out at- Hinata's presence somehow erased his filter, untamed words and actions flying out. He considered Hinata his nemesis and polar opposite, and Hinata did the same, both accepting they'd hate each other despite being teammates.

2\. He likes Hinata.

This one is a bit surprising. While he figured he could at least tolerate Hinata's more irritating qualities (to be specific, Hinata's entire personality) and work with him as a partner, Kageyama never thought he'd become _friends_ with him. But through their unique quick, they became a set unit on the court, a team within the team. They weren't polar opposites as they'd originally thought; they were yin and yang, mostly opposite, yet a little alike. So despite their rocky start, they became friends. Kageyama himself changed with the new friendship; his annoyance and competitiveness with Hinata sparked emotions and thoughts he'd hid before, and he cautiously poked his head out of his steely armor. With no one else to focus on, Kageyama had focused on himself, but of all people, headstrong, excitable Hinata was the one who managed to dethrone the king. They fought not only with each other anymore, but alongside each other.

3\. He _likes_ Hinata.

This is a sign of the apocalypse.

At first, Kageyama attributed his sudden rushes of affection for Hinata to mere friendship. After all, he didn't even really know what a close friendship felt like, and friends were _supposed_ to like each other, weren't they? Of course, Hinata was still a pain in the ass, but Kageyama's irritation blended with fondness, his headlocks and snippy words intended to get a reaction out of Hinata rather than to dispel his own personal frustrations. But as time drew on, unusual little moments punctured through: Kageyama feeling just as proud and satisfied whenever Hinata did something well as when he himself did; Kageyama reveling the feeling of Hinata's fluffy hair between his fingers as he ruffled it; Kageyama noticing an odd gooshy, swirly feeling coursing in the pit of his stomach when Hinata was near.

One day, Kageyama sat at his desk before his afternoon class, caught in a bored, irritated stupor with the impending dread of mathematics. Beside him, two classmates chatted, and while normally nothing made it through Kageyama's fortress of pre-math despair, his ear tuned into their conversation. They discussed some psychological study done on a term called "cute aggression". According to them, cute aggression was the phenomena where humans have an uncontrollable aggressive urge to crush and squeeze things considered "unbearably cute". _That's weird,_ Kageyama thought. _If something is cute, why would people want to be aggressive towards it?_

Kageyama wasn't quite sure why it clung to him, tickling the back of his mind as he continued on his daily routine, until practice arrived. During the middle of a practice set, he and Hinata's quick whizzed past the other side, Daichi and Noya fumbling like gnats in molasses trying to reach it. After a breath of silence, Hinata erupted in a primeval howl, turning back to look at Kageyama with glittering brown eyes and pink tinted cheeks, his mouth gaping wide with excitement. Kageyama stared at his overjoyed expression for a breath, when like a flash of lightning, an instinctual urge to take Hinata in his arms and squash him swept over him. The sensation of crushing Hinata's tiny form was so vivid and sharp that he twitched, startled, and grunted a "Not bad, dumbass," as he turned away.

He'd always been aggressive towards Hinata, but…?

No.

 _No._

He considered Hinata cute.

His conclusion: He should see a doctor.

In terror, Kageyama configured the remaining puzzle pieces and realization blasted him faster than one of their quicks. By some terrible stroke of misfortune and the evident loss of his sanity, he, Kageyama Tobio, _liked_ the bane of his existence, the one who gave him premature gray hairs: Hinata Shouyou.

Considering how truly atrocious he was with the newness of friendship, Kageyama was exceptionally more atrocious with romantic feelings. He'd seen movies and TV shows, sure, but actually having _feelings_ , especially for someone like Hinata, was completely uncharted territory. Hinata's perpetually nervous stomach suddenly made sense, but Kageyama couldn't just throw up his feelings. So he did the only viable option: shoved his emotions into a dark, abandoned crevice and continued on as usual, pretending he wasn't a walking disaster.

So here he is, months later, having harbored his emotions like some mushy lead in a romance film, eroding a little more day by day.

Kageyama thinks if he avoids it, it will go away.

But, like an itch, the more he ignores it, the more he wants to scratch it.

* * *

The sun is setting, and Kageyama is changing in the locker room after practice. Hinata isn't there to race back home against, so he takes longer than usual without frenetic competition energy bubbling through his veins. With his parents going out, Hinata had left early to babysit his sister Natsu. Kageyama snorts at the memory, wondering how anyone can entrust Hinata with the safety of another human being. If he had children, he'd be too afraid that he'd come home to find the house in cinders to put Hinata in a position of leadership.

Sighing, Kageyama glances out the window to the rapidly darkening sky, and pulls a clean shirt over his head. He tucks away the pangs of boredom and unease kindled by Hinata's absence and stuffs his gym bag with his dirtied clothes, pulling out his jacket from underneath. As he slips his arms through the black jersey, he absentmindedly notes the only team members still there are Tanaka and Noya, whispering furtively on the other side of the room, probably, knowing them, about Shimizu-senpai. Kageyama kneels down to grab his water bottle and takes a sip in the low crouch before he pushes against his knee to stand.

An undignified yelp springs out of him, his soul nearly ascending his body in unprepared fear. Tanaka and Noya are no longer on the other side of the room, but _right there_ , cornering Kageyama with uncharacteristically solemn expressions.

"What the _fuck_ , you two?!" he squawks, tightly gripping his water bottle.

"Kageyama-kun," Tanaka says, brows furrowed in what looks like concern.

"We know," Noya announces darkly, folding his arms.

 _Huh?_ Kageyama scowls at them. "Know _what_?"

They look to each other, smothering sneaky smiles with flat, sage-like expressions.

Noya's ominous smile cracks through his mask. "About how you _like_ Hinata."

Kageyama hopes people speak well of him at his funeral.

"H-Huh?!" he screeches, eyes bugging out in horror. "W-What-" He waves his hands, stumbling backwards. "I do _not_! _Hinata_?!"

Tanaka remains silent and steps forward, staring seriously into Kageyama's eyes as he puts an unwanted hand on Kageyama's shoulder. "Kageyama-kun," he repeats, his voice deep and business-like. "As your wise senpai, we'd like to help you."

Kageyama slaps his hand away. "No! I don't need-"

Noya's hand pats his other shoulder. "Don't worry, Kageyama," he says gently, his catlike eyes sparkling. "We know it's embarrassing, but you have two seasoned veterans of love at your back to help you."

"Thus enacts project 'Help Kageyama With His Hopeless, Passionate Love For Hinata'!" Tanaka declares, flourishing his arms with grandeur and beaming at Kageyama's ashen face.

Kageyama doesn't particularly consider himself a religious person, but in this moment, he prays to any spiritual being he can think of. Heck, he even sends a feeble ' _help me'_ to that meat bun god Hinata swears visited him once. His ruddy faces flames underneath Tanaka and Noya's ravenously delighted expressions, throat burning as he tries to swallow.

"N-N-" he stutters. "I _don't_ -" He chokes on his own saliva and coughs loudly, tears budding in the corners of his eyes. Noya jumps at the opportunity to be the supportive upperclassman, small fingers tenderly patting and stroking Kageyama's upper back, lighting the fuse for Kageyama's rage. But in his weakened, defenseless state, Kageyama can do nothing but hack his lungs out and dream of a nearby vat of acid to dissolve himself in.

"No worries," Noya murmurs, sliding his hand around the back of Kageyama's shoulders and pulling him into an awkward side hug. Tanaka mirrors him, and before he can make a move to escape, Kageyama finds himself crushed in an uncomfortable three-way hug with his senpais, still clutching his water bottle. Their stifling breath tickles his skin, and his arm is mushed between their chests, water bottle awkwardly hovering in the middle.

"Oi, let me-"

"Shhhhh," Tanaka cuts him off, snaking out his arm and pressing a finger to Kageyama's lips.

Kageyama recoils and squirms in protest, glaring down at their devious, expectant expressions, Cheshire cat-like grins on their mouths. _Fucking assholes._ He wriggles, trying to shake off the aggravating touch from his back.

"Nnn-"

Tanaka and Noya's grips tighten the more Kageyama resists, and his anger froths and threatens to spill over. He gnashes his teeth, hissing slightly. _What the fuck is their problem?_ They both just stand there, peering intently into Kageyama's face, neither making any move to release him. Flustered, he squirms again, disconcerted by their gleeful smiles, when Tanaka winks. _What the…_ Kageyama chomps down on the inside of his lip. _Oh. Dammit. Screw them._

"You-" Kageyama seethes, wishing he could kick the both of them into the Pacific Ocean. " _Fine!_ " He casts his gaze to the side, his face practically a furnace. "I… like… Hinata…" he mumbles through tight lips.

Teeth bared in smug smiles, Tanaka and Noya release Kageyama. His shoulders slump forward and he shakily steps back, shuddering in disgust and discomfort. A thousand baths won't rid the taint seeping into his pores.

"Knew you'd get there eventually, Kageyama-kun!" Tanaka cheers, whapping Kageyama on the back.

Kageyama flinches, his back stinging. Head hanging low in defeat, the blood beneath the skin of his face boils. "How the hell did you two morons know?" he growls, clenching his jaw.

"Kageyama," Noya says with importance, drawing himself up to his full, measly height. "From one pining man to another, I _know_ what it looks like."

"I'm not _pining_!" Kageyama huffs, defiantly twisting his lips. _He didn't really answer,_ he thinks. _I'm not that obvious, am I? Not obvious enough for these two dimwits to catch on, anyways._ In hopes of salvaging any sort of remaining pride, he juts out his chin and glares down his nose at them. "What the hell do you want from me, anyways?"

"We just want to help our dear, poor, infatuated kouhai," Noya chimes, convinced he's some pure soul with Kageyama's best interest at heart. "We have a proposition for you."

Kageyama's expression curdles like two week old milk. "I don't _want_ any he-"

"Now, knowing that you are a man of limited words," Tanaka begins studiously, "we figured you probably have some difficulty with whole confessing ordeal."

"Since your vocabulary is pretty much just 'volleyball,' 'Hinata,' 'setting,' and 'dumbass,'" Noya points out.

"Oi-"

"Through careful debate, we have come to the conclusion that best solution for your current predicament is something that takes away your verbal hindrances," Tanaka continues, folding his arms. "I think we've come to an ideal plan of action."

Kageyama's forehead crinkles anxiously. _This isn't going to be good._

"Love letters."

"You fucking-"

"Now hear me out, Kageyama," Noya says, stepping closer. "I too was once a poor, wordless sap, although before the beauty that is Kiyoko-san." _Great, here we go._ "But I've been writing letters to her about four times a week and yesterday she handed my water bottle to me and fatefully, we made eye contact. It was like all time stopped as we gazed into each other's souls. Though it lasted only a moment, I could tell that opening myself up to her through words had allowed her to open up to me." He heaves a sigh, wistfully peering out the window. "It was the best moment of my life."

 _Please tell me I'm not this pathetic,_ Kageyama thinks.

"See?" Tanaka gestures to Noya. "Just look how well it went for Yuu! As for me, I wrote a couple last week and last Friday she spoke to me _personally_!" His excited expression doesn't falter even as he adds, "She told me not to be so loud during practice!"

Kageyama's upper lip crinkles, exposing his gums and teeth. "I am _not_ ," he states firmly, pausing for emphasis, "ever, under any circumstance, going to write a ...love letter…" His mouth purses on the uncomfortable words. "...to _anyone_ , and definitely not _Hinata_ , so you two can shut up and leave me alone."

"Aw, but Kageyama-kun-"

"No."

"You won't even tr-"

" _No_."

Tanaka and Noya exchange a look, and both sigh with disappointment. "If you say so, Kageyama-kun," Tanaka says airily, lifting his chin and placing his hands on his hips. "It's your decision."

"But don't worry, dear kouhai," Noya quickly says, folding his arms.

 _Why would you say don't worry?_ Kageyama screams in frustration, knitting his brows. _I'm more worried now that you've said that._

"We won't tell anyone about you _little_ secret," Noya finishes, winking conspiratorially. "Your senpai have your back."

 _I trust Hinata with my non-existent children more than the pair of you,_ Kageyama despairs, wishing to forever sever this unwanted link between him and them.

"Well, bye-bye, Kageyama-kun!" Tanaka calls, slinking to the door with his bag on his back. Noya follows, and they both give him sugary, knowing smiles as they scoot outside.

With the sun enveloped by the horizon, Kageyama's water bottle is still in his hand.

* * *

In the next week, Kageyama does his best to burn the memory of that evening in the locker room, swallowing up any thoughts of love letters and Hinata. However, his willful forgetting proves difficult with Tanaka and Noya leering or winking at him any time he so much as acknowledges Hinata's existence. Luckily, the two of them were already known for odd, unanswerable behavior, so no one really seeks out why Tanaka keeps wiggling his eyebrows, the only reactions being a tired "Stop that," from Daichi and a reproachful sigh from Suga. But knowing Tanaka and Noya _know_ his life's greatest mistake torments Kageyama, their unpredictability riddling him with worry.

On Wednesday during lunchtime, Kageyama sits at a bench outside, his usual box of milk in hand and his bento on his lap. The sky is overcast and sullen, with puffy clouds of ash, and a cooling wash of wind sweeps across the tops of trees and over grass to Kageyama. His bangs blast away from his forehead and his neck tingles with chills. Setting down his milk beside his thigh, Kageyama reaches up his hands and zips his jacket all the way up, covering his exposed neck with warm cloth.

"Hey, Kageyama!"

Kageyama doesn't have to turn his head to know who it is, but he does anyways, finding an endlessly exuberant Hinata bounding towards him. Another swirl of wind crashes through, and Hinata fumbles against it, tripping and spastically waving his arms to regain his balance.

Kageyama smirks. "You're so small you'd probably be carried away if your backpack weren't weighing you down," he calls out, picking up his milk and taking a sip.

"Shut up, you jerk!" Hinata yells back, bristling and grabbing the straps of his backpack. "I'm pretty sure wind doesn't work like that anyways, stupid."

"How would you know?" Kageyama retorts, scooting over to make more room on the bench. "It's not like you're so great at science, dumbass."

Hinata flops down beside him, somehow managing to take up seventy-five percent of the bench with his tiny body. "I know I at least did better than _you_ on the last bio test," he taunts, ripping off his backpack and tossing it to the ground.

"Oi, how do you know what I got?"

"I asked someone in your class," Hinata says nonchalantly, pulling out his bento.

"Oi!"

"So what? I already knew you were dumb." Hinata pauses, turning to look out before him, his bento resting on his knee. He draws in a breath, shutting his eyes and letting his shoulders rise and his chest puff out, before unexpectedly assaulting Kageyama's ears with an anguished groan mixed with a strangled cat. The noise persists for a couple of seconds, until Hinata runs out of breath and it fizzles out.

Kageyama rubs his ears. "What the hell was that?" he asks, nose wrinkling.

"I'm _so_ tired," Hinata whines, his shoulders slumping forward. "Usually I get to sleep during bio but we had that dumb lab today and I couldn't."

Kageyama grunts unsympathetically. "Maybe you should try getting more sleep at night instead of sleeping during class."

"Shut up," Hinata pouts. "Like being awake helps _you_ pay attention. I know that even though you always look like you're focused, you're just in Kageyama Land, imagining how you're going to crush your enemies with your setting abilities and scare away little kids with your face."

"Oi," Kageyama complains, though he can't exactly deny Hinata's words. The scaring people with his face isn't true, but he does spend a worrisome amount of time thinking about volleyball. Also, though he will never admit it, Kageyama Land had developed a new attraction a couple of months ago, a dangerous, lawless place called Hinata Land.

Hinata ignores Kageyama and sighs, sliding his bento off his knee and setting it on the ground. He grabs Kageyama's bento, placing it beside his own, and flops down on the bench with his head on Kageyama's thigh before Kageyama can protest. His eyes are shut, and he looks strangely peaceful and emotionless, his unruly hair cushioning his skull against Kageyama's leg. Kageyama blinks, noticing for the first time that Hinata has a tiny sprinkling of freckles on the bridge of his nose. A surging heat coils up Kageyama's body and settles underneath the skin of his cheeks. _Uh._

Then it happens- a sound escapes from Kageyama's mouth, unlike any he's ever made or wanted to make: an ungodly combination of a kitten's mewl, a trumpet, and a voice crack.

 _No no no no no._

For one brief moment, Kageyama feverishly hopes Hinata is narcoleptic and already asleep. But Hinata's eyes snap open, immediately fixating on Kageyama's already crimson cheeks, and the corners of his mouth tip upwards. An awful look of pure delight spreads across his face and his mouth falls wide to let loose loud cackling, his entire body convulsing.

"S-Shut up!" Kageyama spits, shoving Hinata off his lap.

Normally, Hinata would spring to his feet and berate Kageyama for pushing him, but instead, he just weakly tumbles to the grass, too busy wheezing at Kageyama's expense to retaliate. Obnoxious snorting echoes across the courtyard, and Kageyama sinks down lower on the bench, eyes nervously darting for signs of anyone hearing Hinata's guffaws. He scowls at Hinata's scrunched eyes and beaming smile, cute even when Kageyama wants to punch him. _Fucker._ Even his gross chortling makes Kageyama like him all the more.

 _There is something seriously wrong with me._

Eventually, Hinata peters out, gasping and spread eagled on his back like the wind was knocked out of him. He takes a moment to regain his breath before rolling onto his side, hands pressing against the grass and pushing him to sitting. A lightning flash smile zaps at Kageyama's thundercloud expression.

"Kageyama, what was that _sound_?" Hinata asks, still a little breathless.

Kageyama shrinks behind the collar of his jacket. "S-Shut up!" he barks, angrily picking up his bento and ripping it open. He ducks his blazing face and aggressively jams his chopsticks into his rice.

"I didn't even know your voice could go that high," Hinata beams, standing up and brushing himself off, automatically more energetic after teasing Kageyama. He giggles as he plops down on the bench again, and decides to eat rather than sleep, bending over to retrieve his own bento. "Hey," he says, straightening up. "If you don't like being used as a pillow you can just yell at me instead of making squeaky cat noises," he suggests, grinning and poking Kageyama in the shoulder with one of his chopsticks. "So you don't embarrass yourself so much."

Kageyama immediately growls, but Hinata is unperturbed, calmly cramming a massive bite of food into his mouth. He chews thoughtfully for moment, before turning his eyes to scrutinize Kageyama's face, his cheeks stuffed with rice.

"Hyoo shud beh hemberust murr haftun," he mumbles thickly.

"What?" Kageyama's brow furrows. "Swallow before you talk, dumbass."

Hinata rolls his eyes, but nevertheless takes the time to dutifully chew and swallow his gigantic mouthful. "I _said_ ," Hinata coughs, "you should be embarrassed more often. You look less homicidal and more…" His head tilts and his lips twist. "Nice?"

 _Nice?_

Kageyama doesn't know how to respond, unsure of whether Hinata's paying him a compliment or an insult, or maybe both. He settles for a nondescript grunt and turns back to his food, quickly stuffing his mouth full so he won't have to say anything. Hinata's gaze prickles at him for another moment longer before he too resumes eating.

 _You should say something._

Kageyama freezes, a wad of partially chewed rice on his tongue. _You like him._ He sneaks a horrified glance to Hinata and immediately looks back to his food. _It's just you and him,_ his mind hints. _It's an ideal moment._ His saliva dries and he locks in fear, tremoring hand squeezing his chopsticks _._ His mouth opens an inch, shuts, opens again, and shuts with finality, and he twitches and despondently pokes at his food. What is he so scared of? _Hinata_? 'Idiot' might as well be branded to his forehead. Hinata is too enraptured with his food to notice his listlessness, so Kageyama makes himself feel better by mentally kicking himself.

 _I'm so stupid._

The rest of the day is faded background noise to Kageyama's fitful mind, and he rushes through with just the bare minimum of presence. Luckily his reflexes and brooding demeanor are strong enough that no one suspects he's in some lost dimension. Classes and practice blur by, and he even allows Hinata to beat him on their race home. Awareness doesn't come until he's barging down the door of his own room, slamming it shut behind him, and slumping down at his desk.

He groans.

 _Fucking Hinata._

He glares at the chestnut desk, debating between burying himself in a hole or mailing Hinata to Australia. Life would have been so much easier without that damn bouncy cheeto puff coming in like cyclone and upheaving Kageyama's organized life. A damn bouncy cheeto he somehow finds cute. _Fuck._ Kageyama's eyes flick towards his pens and pencils resting in their holder. _I need to do something._ If he continues like this much longer, his emotions may disrupt their trust and friendship, and potentially, volleyball. Perhaps it's better for him to lay it out in the open before everything changes for the worse.

Perhaps... _Oh no_. He's officially gone around the bend. Admittedly, he's a disaster no matter what course of action he takes, so why not accept his cruel fate and go where the tide takes him?

 _I am insane,_ Kageyama decides, with the idea love letters dancing tantalizingly in his mind's eye, inexplicably appealing. Logically, he knows it's a terrible idea- it came from Tanaka and Noya, after all. He's a bad writer and bad at expressing himself, and not easily sentimental. _Aren't love letters supposed to be… romantic?_ Romance isn't a word in Kageyama's vocabulary; applying its principles is a whole new cesspool of horror, and Hinata himself is about as romantic as lard.

Even with the growing list of cons, Kageyama's debilitated reasoning holds onto the love letters, believing good may come from them with absolutely no proof. Kageyama rubs his temples and lets his hand fall to his lap. _Well. If I'm going to do them, I need to research._ He reaches across the desk and pulls his laptop towards him, opening it and entering his password. Once the desktop loads, he goes to the internet and he's struck with a couple of existential questions as the cursor blinks at him. Is he even himself anymore if he's seriously considering taking up _Tanaka and Noya's_ advice? Is he still the same grumpy, finicky, insensitive person if he's typing ' _how to write love letters'_ into his search engine?

 _Fuck,_ Kageyama thinks again as he clicks on the first result.

1\. Get over your fear. Writing a love letter may seem a daunting task, but you are the one in control here. Don't stress over what to say or do right now.

 _Okay, don't stress. I can do that._ He thinks for a moment, and goes for a collection of Hinata's most embarrassing moments, laughing savagely. _Okay, good. No stress._

2\. Set the mood. Get yourself ready to write, and remind yourself of why you're writing to this person, perhaps with a song that reminds you of them or their picture.

 _I don't have any songs that remind me of Hinata, and I don't have any pictures of him._ He settles for the next best option- the volleyball poster hanging opposite the window.

3\. Reflect on your feelings. Why do you love this person? What are some attributes- physical, emotional, intellectual- that you like about them?

 _He's an obnoxious dumbass_ is Kageyama's immediate reflex, but he grudgingly reins himself in. _Well… He's fast and he can jump and he's the only one who can hit my quicks. Maybe something_ not _volleyball related… Uh… His hair is poofy? It feels nice when I touch it. And it's really orange. And… he's cute. I guess. He has freckles on his nose._

4\. Think on the future. Where do you see the two of you in years to come?

 _Well, I guess I'd want us to become the most powerful volleyball duo. I like playing with him best, so I don't want to ever_ not _play with him._ An image springs to mind of him and Hinata, both old and grizzled, Hinata's fluffy hair a shock of white and his own scowl etched permanently between his brows, Hinata still jumping up to hit his tosses and insulting him with a croaky voice. _Yeah, I'll probably play with him until I die. Or he dies. He'll probably die first, considering how accident prone he is. He'll probably end up choking on a meat bun or something._

5\. Start writing a rough draft of your letter. Don't worry about grammar or spelling at this point- you can edit when you write your final draft. Right now, just focus on what you want to get across.

 _My grammar isn't great to begin with and Hinata's is even worse, so I guess I'm okay._ Kageyama opens his desk drawer and rummages around in search of a sheet of paper. He slides a slightly creased one flat onto his desk and pulls out a pen. He looks back at his computer screen, pen hovering expectantly over the paper.

6\. Start off by addressing your loved one. Do they have a particular name or nickname only you call them? To add an affectionate touch, you could add something before their name or nickname, like "To My _" or "Dearest _" to set the mood right from the beginning.

The only nickname Kageyama can think of is 'dumbass'. Cocking his head, his pen strokes across the top of the piece of paper.

 **Dumbass Hinata,**

 _That's probably too insulting to start off with,_ he retracts, crossing it out. _Uh…_

 **To My Dumbass,**

 _No._

 **Dearest Dumbass,**

 _No!_

 **Shouyou,**

 _Fucking-_ Kageyama's pen scritches in his ears as the paper bleeds black with ink, blotting out the kanji. Hinata's first name is far too intimate for him to delve into right now.

After wasting a good two minutes on just the name alone, he grumpily chooses what he should've from the start: plain, old Hinata.

7\. Start from the beginning. What is it you want to say to them? Why are you writing a letter? Make your intentions clear.

 _My intentions?_ Ah, there's the rub. What the _hell_ should he say? " _I want to play volleyball with you until you choke on a meat bun and die"_? He taps his pen on the desk, fingers fisting through his hair. He should probably just get " _I like you"_ over with, but he's too jittery with exposing himself so bluntly. Though, the whole point of writing his feelings is to say what he can't say in person.

Kageyama rubs his eyes, sighing in frustration. He is a pitiful excuse for a human being.

 _Think, think. Something. Anything._

After a couple of seconds more of tapping, a thought pops in, and he hastily scribbles it down. _I can do this,_ he thinks, returning his eyes to the computer screen.

8\. Go off of your memories. Maybe you want to remind them of the moment you first met, or maybe a defining moment in your relationship that encapsulates your feelings for them.

Kageyama has lots of memories with Hinata, both good and bad. But what exactly makes a memory "defining" or how can it "encapsulate" his feelings? To Kageyama, they all are significant in their own ways, so how is he supposed to choose just one? He can't ignore the seven hundred other reasons why they're friends and how he came to like Hinata. He bites the inside of his lip. _Don't stress,_ he reminds himself. Reluctantly, he latches onto a particular memory and puts it down.

9\. Be positive. This letter will probably be kept by your loved one, so avoid negativity as much as possible.

 _Oh._ Kageyama scratches his head, guiltily flicking his eyes from the paper back to his laptop. _Too late for that._

10\. Affirm your commitment. Remind them what they mean to you and how long you want to last with them. What does forever mean to you?

 _But forever doesn't mean anything to me,_ Kageyama rebuts, frowning in perplexion. _Forever doesn't exist. I have probably around sixty or seventy years left, hopefully. That's definitely_ not _forever._ He sighs and leans onto his elbow. _I guess I can write about commitment instead._

11\. Close your letter positively. Send them off with something about how you love them, like "I hope to dream of you tonight" or "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you".

 _Ugh. I really hope I_ don't _dream of him tonight. He takes up too much of when I'm awake anyways._ He hunches over the paper. _And then, "I can't wait until I have constant heart palpitations from being around your insufferable personality."_ He shakes his head. _Stay positive,_ he reminds himself. _Positive._

12\. Sign your name. You can just write your name plainly, but you might want to add something preceding it, like "XOXO, _" or "Kisses, _" or "Love, _", just to reaffirm your affection.

 _I'm not going to waste time on this like I did with Hinata's name,_ Kageyama decides, swallowing down the bile that rose with the image of writing " _XOXO, Kageyama"_.

13\. Write your final draft. Pick out a nice piece of paper, with a pattern or something pretty on it if you want, and copy from your first draft as neatly as possible. You could always spray a little perfume or cologne onto the paper so it smells like you.

 _I don't wear perfume or cologne. Should I rub deodorant on it or something?_ Kageyama's eyes narrow on the sheet of paper. _Probably not._ He opens his drawer and picks out a fresh sheet, placing it down beside his messy first draft. _I don't have any patterned paper, so I guess this will have to do._ Bending over the desk, he carefully transfers his words to the clean page, spending the time to make each character perfect. It takes him a couple of minutes, and once he finishes the kanji of his name, he sits upright and pulls the paper up to read over.

 **Hinata,**

 **We play volleyball together on the same team. And since you're the only one who can hit my quick, we spend a lot of time together. I hated you when I first met you and I know you hated me. I don't hate you as much, but you're still really annoying. And a dumbass. Sometimes you're not as much of a dumbass and that's almost more annoying than when you are a dumbass. Because then I can't punch you. Your hair is really poofy and orange. It feels nice when I touch it. And I guess you're cute. Whatever.**

 **Remember when I said that you'll be invincible as long as I'm here? (If you don't remember I'm going to strangle you) Well anyways I guess what I want to say is wherever you go, I'll still be there. Yeah you need me, but I need you too, I guess. You're the first person I've been this close to before, which is kind of weird, considering it's you.**

 **Sincerely,**

 **Kageyama**

His eyes flit back up to the laptop.

14\. Good luck!

 _Thanks a lot._

He crumples to his desk.

 _I'm fucked._

* * *

Kageyama wakes the next morning with an amass of doom lurking over him. His letter sits neatly on the desk across the room, inside a cream envelope with Hinata's name on it. Despite its catastrophic state, he plans to slip it to Hinata sometime today. Sensibly, he should back out of his original plan (what little there was to begin with), but he's obsessively attached to the letter now and irrationally determined to finish. He cringes at himself and doesn't want to think about what Tsukishima would say if he knew about this.

With the envelope tucked in the pocket of his bag, Kageyama leaves for school earlier than usual, hoping to beat Hinata there and manage to get the letter to his desk and sneak away unseen. When he arrives and peeks into the Class 1 room, though Hinata is absent, about half of the class is already there. Kageyama takes in a stilted breath, realizing he has to conspicuously walk in and put the letter on Hinata's desk for them to see. _It's no big deal,_ he tells himself, determinedly furrowing his brows. Hands shakily gripping the doorframe, he swallows thickly, straightening his spine. _Just don't be weird._ Widening his shoulder blades, he takes a big, confident step inside.

Ten pairs of eyes immediately zero in on him, judgmental and scrutinizing, questioning what the tall, scary guy from Class 3 is doing here. Kageyama awkwardly hovers just inside the doorway, withering underneath the heat of their stares with a tickly sensation in cheeks.

 _Don't be weird, don't be weird._

Inhaling sharply, he lifts his chin and haughtily sneers at them, pushing himself forward and stalking to Hinata's desk. His arms swing wildly as he attempts to be intimidating and expansive, but with a loud thunk, his hand smacks against a passing desk. A couple of people snicker, but Kageyama swells his chest up and plunges forward, ignoring them and the achy pain in his hand. Coldly turning his back to his audience, he stops beside Hinata's desk and reaches down to open the pocket of his bag. His trembling fingers fumble on the latch, uncomfortable seconds ticking by as he internally yells profanities at himself, until he finally gets it open, whipping out the envelope and slamming it on the desk. Huffing in agitation, he practically runs back out the door, muffled laughter trailing behind him.

Kageyama moans and presses his hands to his face, stopping in the middle of hallway. _Great. That was a goddamn trainwreck._ The excited cajoling from Hinata's classmates echoes in his ears, shovelfuls of dirt burying him further in his shameful grave. He takes a long breath, sucking up as much oxygen as possible, his hands blacking out the world around him for a moment. Once he's cooled down and has a smidgen more dignity, he drops his hands and glances both ways, leery of an approaching Hinata. The hall is thankfully empty. He readjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder and turns to head to his own classroom, trying to put his disgrace behind him.

The classes before lunch are torture; Kageyama thought his display in Hinata's classroom was bad, but the real horror is know Hinata will actually _read_ his terrible letter and react to it. Kageyama's too consumed with stewing over what he said in his letter and what Hinata might say to pay attention, although it's not like he was a stellar student before. No one would know, though; he hides internal thoughts like usual, hard and imperviable on the outside, a stone black cauldron simmering with self-deprecation and anxiety.

The wall clock dregs away, leisurely inching its way to lunch time, and the second the buzzer rings, Kageyama flies from his desk. He plows down the hallway, a jumble of pent up nervous energy, accidentally elbowing a second-year in the face. Ignoring the yell after him, he heads outside, finding the vending machine. He quickly punches in what he wants and feeds the machine yen, waiting impatiently as it churns out his box of milk. The second it lands, he snatches it up and rips off its plastic packaging, piercing the hole with the sharpened end of the straw. Wrapping his lips around the straw's tip, he sucks up a mouthful of milk and swallows, exhaling at the soothing, familiar taste.

After another sip, Kageyama lowers the box and casts a look both directions before taking ambling steps in the empty courtyard. His shoes scuff on the pathway, chirps from birds echoing from the roof. He swallows another mouthful.

"Kageyama!"

 _Shit._

Stopping with lead feet, Kageyama cranes his neck to see the person he's been both dreading and looking forward to seeing. Hinata stands across the courtyard, his head tilted quizzically and his hands on his hips as he looks at Kageyama for a moment, before he steps forward to come to him. Kageyama stiffly wheels himself around, protectively clutching the milk box close to his chest, his pulse drumming harder against his ribs with every step closer Hinata takes. Hinata takes one last step and jumps to a stop directly in front of Kageyama, straightening to full height, regarding Kageyama with bright brown eyes and a lifted chin.

"So," Hinata begins simply. Kageyama's face increases in temperature as he reluctantly makes eye contact. He can't hold the contact for long, his eyes skittishly flickering down to Hinata's shoulder. Hinata's hands travel to his bag. "Uh, this." He pulls out the envelope and holds it out, Kageyama inhaling sharply and tensing just at its sight. Its flap is ripped and crinkly; it's been opened, and Hinata's read it.

"Hnnn," Kageyama grunts, mind a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Hinata glances down at the envelope between his fingers and flicks back up to Kageyama. "My classmates said you embarrassed yourself when you delivered it this morning." He grins wickedly, and Kageyama twitches involuntarily. "I wished I could've seen it." He lets out a cruel giggle at Kageyama's flustered scowl.

"Get to the point, dumbass," Kageyama snarls through gritted teeth, overly conscious of his flaming cheeks.

Hinata quiets his giggling, but a smirk still lingers on his lips. His eyes are alight with mischievous delight, unsurprising, since his favorite pastime other than volleyball is torturing Kageyama. _Asshole._

"So," he says again. "Um." He looks down and clasps his hands behind his back, the arrogant attitude dissolving. When he lifts his gaze back up, the tops of his cheekbones are faintly dusted with pink. His head tips to the side, a lock of orange hair flopping with the momentum. "You... um... think I'm cute?"

Kageyama inadvertently clamps down on the inside of his lip and shamefully casts his eyes to the side, his knuckles turning white as his grip on the milk box tightens. "S-Shut up," he forces out in a low voice.

"So you do!" Hinata crows, confidence spiking up again as he watches Kageyama crumble. He rocks up onto the balls of his feet to laugh in Kageyama's face. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaahh, your face is so red!" Kageyama jerks away, his glare completely useless against Hinata, slushy snow instead of crisp, biting ice. Wanting to wring out the most irritation, Hinata pokes at Kageyama's inflamed cheeks. "Tomatoyama!"

Kageyama's thin patience cracks, and with a snarl, he hurls his half full box of milk at Hinata's chest. Milk squirts out the straw with the force of the impact, splattering Hinata's face and shirt. "I like you, dumbass!" Kageyama shouts.

Hinata's eyes grow big and he blinks a couple of times, a little drop of milk trickling down his cheek. Kageyama pants harshly, full realization of what he just said hitting him, flushing deeper beneath Hinata's wide doe eyes. But he's barely given a second to call himself a dumbass before Hinata lurches up and flings his arms around the back of his neck, clumsily smushing his lips to Kageyama's.

Kageyama's first thought: _WHAT THE-_

Kageyama's second thought: _I should not have just drunk milk._

He stumbles back a couple of steps in shock, Hinata, tenacious as always, managing to hang on and keep the uncoordinated kiss going. Despite their significant height difference, Hinata completely overtakes Kageyama, who's like a wet noodle in his frazzled state, his mind reeling, alarm bells blaring. Unsure of what to do, he stands stiffly, arms awkwardly hovering at his sides. Hinata tightens his hold, pulling them closer, his smaller chest radiating with broiling heat and his mouth forceful and determined.

After a couple more seconds disjointed seconds, Kageyama thuds back into reality, and he breaks the kiss, pushing Hinata away from him. "D-Dumbass, we're at school!" he splutters, defensively holding his hands out.

Hinata smiles mischievously. "Don't worry, your serial killer expression keeps everyone inside a ten meter range away," he quips.

"Oi," Kageyama warns, making a move to pull Hinata into a headlock, but Hinata deftly dodges and swats away his hands, chuckling impishly. "You little-"

Hinata rushes into him, wrapping his arms around his torso and hugging him. Kageyama's breath halts at the sudden warmth, an electrical spark sizzling from his chest. Hinata buries his face in the fabric of Kageyama's shirt, and Kageyama blinks down in surprise, a wild, tousled mane of hair just below his chin. Hinata squeezes him as if sapping from the only source of heat in the arctic tundra, and after a moment of standing stone still and uncertain, Kageyama hesitantly places his arms around Hinata's back and gives him a small squeeze of his own.

"Um… Hinata…?" he asks, peering down at the smaller boy.

Hinata's chest expands as he takes in a breath, and he slowly pulls his face from Kageyama's chest, blinking up. "Um," he mumbles, face tinged with pink again. His eyes lock with Kageyama's. "I like you too." His smile is soft and timid, a new and unusual look. Unfortunately, he rebounds back to his usual deviancy as he adds, "Even though you suck at writing."

Kageyama huffs. "Shut up," he says quietly, dropping his head into Hinata's shoulder. He's too content and surprised to jostle Hinata now, though he absentmindedly vows to get his revenge later. His hands skim up Hinata's back to nestle in unruly hair, and he sinks into Hinata, lowering the defensive walls that had protected him and distanced him all these years. Softly exhaling, Hinata curls into his chest, arms still ferociously clinging to Kageyama's torso.

They stay in the embrace for some time, underneath the balmy sun and overpassing birds, until they both drop their arms and part.

Hinata glances to the ground and stops in his tracks. "Kageyama!" he squawks, pointing to the long forgotten box of milk lying forlornly on its side. "You're not going to just _leave_ it there, are you? Don't you know that littering is terrible for the environment? You're killing off cute and fluffy animals! And bees! Don't you like honey? What will the world be without honey? You _murderer_!" At this point, Hinata's words are barely distinguishable through his snorting laughter. "How _could_ you? You're the worst person I've ever-"

Kageyama kicks him in the shin.

* * *

"You look pretty pleased with yourself."

"Hm?" Suga lifts his wide amber eyes to Daichi, feigning innocence. "What makes you say that?"

"Only that you've been watching Kageyama and Hinata for the entire practice with a grin on your face," Daichi answers, leaning back on his hands, pointedly looking at the duo cleaning up the balls used during practice.

"Maybe," Suga allows, eyeing the two underclassmen, his grin resurfacing. He turns back to Daichi. "I'm just happy they figured it out."

"More like you orchestrated them to figure it out," Daichi says, raising his eyebrows. He shakes his head. " _Love letters_."

"It worked though, didn't it?" Suga smiles wryly and rolls up the sleeves of his sweater. "Tanaka and Nishinoya were very helpful participants."

"That's the first time anyone's ever said that," Daichi remarks drily. Nevertheless, he chuckles and picks up his water bottle, taking a sip. "Still, you could've just given the two of them advice instead of _playing_ them."

Suga shrugs. "I could have," he concedes, "but it wouldn't have been as much of a learning experience." His deceptively angelic smile widens. "As older, wiser senpai, I think we should be trying to help cultivate our underclassmen, hm, _captain_?" He playfully nudges Daichi's arm.

Daichi grimaces. "You sound like Tanaka and Nishinoya." He takes another sip of water. "I should reprimand you, but I have a feeling that's not going to work."

"Well, I'm only vice-captain," Suga reminds. "I don't have to be as much of a role model as you do."

Daichi snorts and opens his mouth to respond, when he catches a glimpse of Kageyama and Hinata ignoring their cleaning duties at the other end of the gymnasium and apparently in the midst of a squabble, Kageyama poised to throw Hinata across the court.

"KAGEYAMA!" Daichi barks. "PICK UP THE BALLS, NOT HINATA!"

With a fearful start, Kageyama immediately places Hinata back on his own two feet and bows low with a, "Sorry, captain!" Grumbling, the pair get back to cleaning, though not without Hinata jabbing Kageyama with an elbow and Kageyama giving Hinata a shove.

Suga presses the back of his hand to his mouth, muffling light laughter.

"I swear," Daichi sighs, grasping the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. "It never ends."

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **So uh… yeah. Kageyama and love letters. Heh. This is my first time writing any Haikyuu, so I apologize if any characterizations are off, but I've just been so emotionally compromised lately that I had to get in there somehow.**

 **For the 'how to write love letters' article, I mostly pulled from a wikihow article, though I rearranged some things for my own purposes. I did keep a couple of lines because they were just too good to pass up. "I hope to dream of you tonight" and "What does forever mean to you?" are particularly amusing. I highly recommend reading it, although I am about as romantic as Kageyama so it may not be as funny to others.**

 **Also, the hug between Tanaka, Noya, and Kageyama is based off a particularly uncomfortable personal experience of mine, where I was Kageyama in the scenario and was trapped with a cup of water in my hand awkwardly wedged in between the chests of the people hugging me. It was so memorable and cringeworthy that I couldn't NOT force my suffering upon someone else. Thus Kageyama was the perfect victim, eheheh.**

 **I don't know if they're noticeable, but I threw in some truly terrible innuendos and wow do I need to bathe in holy water. I apologize for my sins.**

 **I'll hopefully write more HQ in the future, although I have about 50 other projects I'm working on at the moment. -screams- Anyways, you can find me on tumblr at broniichan, where there's more volleyball losers, assorted anime, unhealthy obsessing over the K-pop group BTS, and memes.**

 **Fare thee well!  
**


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